Hello Vin,
I had my RC surgery a year ago this week (June 23rd) at USC/Norris by Dr. John Stein. He suggested a neobladder--he has tremendous success with them--and I went with that.
You might want to read Dan's story about choosing a cystectomy even though his cancer was T1G3 and CIS. It's an interesting story, and this is a guy who really did his homework. He could have avoided the RC, but went ahead with it after talking with Dr. Stein.
I didn't have much of a choice, since mine was T3 and grade 4, but I can say that my life has pretty much returned to normal after less than a year. It took a bit of time to get used to things at first, but I'm doing really well now.
Oops, almost forgot the link for Dan's story:
blcwebcafe.org/stories/dan.asp
Each of us here has been dealt a hand that there are no really wonderful solutions for, and I don't envy anyone making a decision like you're facing. But I have to say that in spite of how horrible such a procedure sounds, a cystectomy isn't such an awful thing to live with. I have 100% continence in the daytime, and if you look in the "Men's" section of the forum you'll see I have an artificial sphincter that works for me at night.
You may qualify for nerve-sparing surgery, so you can have an erection afterwards. I didn't qualify, but if you'll read
this
you'll see there are solutions to most of the issues.
My dinner is ready, but I'm sure we'll talk more later.
Zach