Hi TGRocky,
I can understand your feelings and confusion as to what might be the best course of action to rid yourself of bladder cancer. I was in your shoes 8 years ago. My urologist tried mitomicin treatments, which did nothing. Then it was months of BCG treatments, which were difficult and did nothing. Felt like I would never have a good ending to my bladder cancer, especially after losing a kidney to cancer in 2012.
So, the next step according to urologist - bladder has to come out. Needless to say, I was devastated. After all the treatments, TURB's and anxiety out the roof, it came to that. So, I decided to get a second opinion, which I highly recommend to you, at Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia. All they do is cancer, and they are excellent.
Bottom line, in March 2016, after three rounds of heavy duty chemo, an excellent female cancer urologic surgeon removed the bladder and I now have an ilieal conduit. That is, she took a piece of my small intestine, made a "hole" in my abdomen and called it a "stoma". I have a bag that attaches to my abdomen and the urine now flows into this bag. At night, I have a larger bag that collects my urine overnight. No more getting up in the middle of the night to pee!!
I will tell you, this was a life altering experience for me in many ways. I fought with everything I had to keep my cancerous bladder, but that wasn't going to happen. I resent having to wear this bag all my life. I can't tell when I am passing urine into it, just have to be mindful when this bag starts to fill. However, I am still alive and kicking at 73 years of age!! I am still married to the same wonderful man for 51 years!! I have four gorgeous grandchildren whom I am loving and enjoying watching them thrive and grow. I have two beautiful adult children whom I love. Many family and friends. In other words, I have a life now that I may not have had if not for the surgery and follow-ups with my excellent oncologist at Fox Chase.
Didn't mean to go on like this, but I wanted to paint you a picture of my experiences. I hope you find the right way to proceed, and I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to reply with any questions or comments that might help!