Hi,
A year of infections and antibiotics... I wonder how long ago the cancer was diagnosed. Do you know the stage and grade of the original tumor -- was it removed (TUR)?
It could be the policy of the doctor, the hospital or the insurance company whether or not to do bladder removal surgery when nodal involvement is seen, it's a point of contention.
When there is spread outside of the nodes, then surgery is sometimes done to palliate symptoms. If bladder removal would improve your mother's quality of life she should be given that choice.
Some doctors will remove the bladder and lymph nodes in an attempt to cure, and do chemo later, while others will delay surgery until total response to chemo is seen first. Radiation can also be used. The most current thinking is that pre-op chemo gives the best odds in face of nodal involvement.
There is more to it than that...it also depends on if your mother is fit for surgery.
I can't help but wonder if the symptoms defintely due to infection, or are they a side effect of the cancer itself..or has the cancer been causing infections. I'm sorry, your message raises more questions than answers, that's for sure.
Where are you located and can your mother get a second opinion? Perhaps that would be helpful, it's a difficult situation.
All the best,
Wendy