What if the urologist has done everything right by your husband while you're worried you did the wrong thing?
You say >
The problem is that my husband has faith in his urologist, whereas I do not. I have been keeping quiet about my misgivings because I know my husband does not need any more doubt or confusion in his life at this time. <
I sympathise with you, I know how stressful the situation must be, especially when treatments end and there is this lack of focus and scary waiting periods. It's awful. I've been on both sides of the fence now and I have now seen for myself (as a 'patient') that having faith in the doctor is at least half the battle. If your husband has faith in the course of action and the care he's getting, that says a lot.
As caregivers we want our loved one to feel secure in the path they've chosen. It's not for nothing that cancer patients tell each other, "Once you've chosen, don't look back. Don't second guess the choices made." Because that is the way to insanity, and I've been there - as a caregiver in a worst case scenario. Which brings me to the question, what about support for you? Who's taking care of the caregiver?
If there were some reason you're unsatisfied with the treatment your husband is receiving locally, like lack of equipment or less than quality care, or if you live in a rural area far from a good cancer center, these are some reasons for second opinions. A second opinion is always justified when the diagnosis is cancer and life is on the line. My concern is about whether now is the right time to pursue this.
Lou is right, talk with the doctor and discuss your feelings, your doubts and especially your questions regarding your husband's follow up and upcoming test results. Make an appointment for yourself if you have to.
>My understanding is that we are now entering a "wait and see" period - since surgery removed evidence of cancer. If the post-chemo tests appear clear, would there be a benefit to get 2nd opinion at this time, or should we wait for a time (heaven forbid) that the cancer reappears? <
If there are symptoms of any kind that do not get diagnosed to your satisfaction then that's a reason to go after a definite diagnosis. If a second opinion is called for, the current doctor should not be offended in any way.
>I know we all spend a good deal of time trying to second guess our actions of the past. Unfortunately, it is obvious at this point that I should have pushed for 2nd opinion after first occurance of cancer in 2000. Can't undue that, but I can be more proactive from now on. I just don't know "when" to be proactive. Ideas?<
Don't second guess yourself. There's a good chance everything went just as it should. You've learned a lot about what it is you're both facing but there has to be a time to back off. After all the stress and hustle of treatments and procedures over the last period, it's hard to focus on how to relax and try to get down to the business of what survival is supposed to be about-enjoying life. Try to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Do what you need to pamper yourself.
Have you ever looked at the pages on WebCafe that have been contributed by caregivers? We also have links to resources;
blcwebcafe.org/caregivers.asp
Take care,
Wendy