Good idea, putting them on one thread. My experience with my dad was the first for me. And yes contending with his present wife of 17 years was complicated, our hands were tied. Thats something to think about for those who have parents in a second marriage. Discuss these things before they come about, it will make it much easier on the children, there were 6 of us.
The private facility we were at only had 10 rooms. 4 private 6 for 2 people. We had one of the 4 private, thank God. Everyone was pleasant, smiled, checked on dad as needed. I had no problem with the staff as far as there care. They turned him on time, gave him shots of morphine on time, bathed him on time. And they all did it with a smile.
My feeling was that after he went into the glassy eyed vegtable state that now we were waiting for the body functions to determinate that I somehow did the wrong thing by letting this happen. Virtually he starved and drown in his own fluids, to put it bluntly.
Since that time I experienced a comfort care facility that my long time neighbor was in for 3 weeks. His daughter was an only child, his wife died 2 years before , and we were the eagle eye watching him for daughter who lived in Cincinnati. Over a period of two years things took a bad turn for him. To get to the point I was with him and his daughter when he passed. She requested I stay because we are close and I had already experienced this with my dad. He died in what they called comfort care, he spent one week eating very little, his choice, no appetite. I visited him every evening, this was more appealing to me for some reason. the atmosphere.It was not a feeling of death around.The 6th day he changed, he decided it was time to go home, and not across the street, his final home. Judy arrived at noon and asked me to stay, I weaned her through what I was seeing as it was fresh in my memory, without scaring her I was able to convince her he was giving up, all the signs were there, thru the afternoon I prepared her step by step, you never forget the process. He had one shot of morphine at 8:00 am that day, and died at 5:30 pm. This comfort care has a different scenario, its a hospital type setting with rehab, and some assisted living. I am grateful I was able to help Judy by being there with her when he passed. If what I experienced at hospice in Tucson with my dad helped make things easier for Judy then I helped someone else because of my experience. Things happen for a reason maybe.
Two different scenario's, as different as every individuals is with bladder cancer. This is alot to think about. But its worth the effort to check things out for anyone in the need for such help. Not every situation or facility operates the same. Theres alot of red tape involved as well knowing when they have to go and where. How long they can stay or leave.
I think emotionally one is never ready to see this, and only when its over do you know if it was something you can handle. But somehow you do. I refrain from reading others experiences such as Charlies now because it brings it to close to what I experienced and don't want to relive it. There are somethings that should remain personal, not shared so much. I would call Hospice convenient, but not wonderful. The final result is death, I found nothing wonderful about that.. Ginger