Questions Regarding Chemo & Surgery

Mary,

My step-father had prostate cancer and was DX at age 80. He decided to do nothing about it. He lived until he was 83, when he died of complications from Alzheimer's.
My urologist DX him and wanted to treat him, but also warned him that the cancer appeared to be at a late stage and left the decision up to him.

I often wounder what if he had taken the treatments, would he have lived longer or not. The point I am making is there is no perfect answer. We never know what lies ahead for us. He told me that he had lived a long and happy life. And if this is what was going to take him, then he was okay with that. He never once showed any regret from his decision.

My mother care for him right up to the last month when he was put in a Hospice. She said that the only problems she saw were near the end when the Alzheimer's became to far gone.

You have taken the right steps by asking questions and taking some control of her situation. Educate your-self and ask them the tuff questions when you meet. Its always hard to ask "what if", when it comes to a loved one, but it has to be done.

Weather your mother chooses to have the treatment or not, be ready to support her either way. That is never a position any of us want to be in, but try and help her with the process as much as she will allow you to.

So sorry this has happened to you and your family. I really hate cancer, and how cruel it can be.

Mark

Thanks to those who responded to my last post. I have so many questions it seems. Brief summary: My mom, in her mid-80s, has been diagnosed with T3, muscle invasive, bladder cancer. She has had surgery to remove the tumor. The oncologist we visited after surgery has recommended a four-month chemo treatment of gemzar and cisplatin alternating one week at a time. So chemo one day each week for 16 weeks, then a 6-8 week recovery period after which he recommends removing her bladder along with basically a hysterectomy. Being that she is a relatively healthy woman otherwise, lives on her own, and stays very busy, she has decided to give the chemo a try - figuring that if she felt it was too much at any point, that she'd stop treatments. She's had a port placed, and this week we are to have a "teach" for mom, me, and siblings to meet the people who will be treating her and to have any questions we might ask...answered.

First of all, I'm wondering if an oncologist would recommend treatment to a patient if he felt that she physically would not be able to make it through that treatment. BIG QUESTION.

In talking to mom today, she's now feeling so well that she wonders how much time she'd have left if she simply did nothing. She is aware that these tumors grow back and also that the cancer will spread if she does nothing, but doesn't know if we're talking about months, a year, or longer. Another question is that if she does make it through the chemo...which is supposed to kill cancer cells, then why would she then need to have her bladder removed. And another question is that if she survives chemo AND surgery - what's the likelihood that in another few months after going through all this, that cancer will pop up somewhere else in her body.

I guess we're trying to decide what's in her best interest given that she's in her mid 80s already. She's a smart woman and knows her years are limited, and we want to try and make the best of whatever time she has left. We know the chemo is going to take a toll on her. The oncologist said that by the halfway mark, she may likely need help at home round the clock just to get through her day. And we know the surgery is HUGE. On the other hand, her sister also had bladder cancer, had the chemo, the surgery, and did well for another few years before cancer showed up in her bones - eventually taking her life while she was in her 70s. If mom went through all this and would live to 90 or more, it certainly might be worth the pain and agony of this treatment.

So a lot questions. We understand that no one can tell her definitively what will or won't happen, but I'm having a hard time finding information online regarding bladder cancer of people mom's age and what they did - or didn't do, and how much time they had left either way.

Anyone who can give me some advice is great appreciated. We're just trying to look at all this treatment logically and thinking about quality of life.

Thanks so much - mary