I can't talk about the chemo, but for the bladder removal you just have to know the facts about what to expect. With a good surgeon he should have no problems, obviously its the unknown you worry about. The surgery itself is hard on ones body, all the proding and so on, but with a good caregiver keeping an eye on things it will be okay..recovery is most important as the first 4 weeks you spend getting your strength back and weight if he looses some, about that, it happens to most, not to be surprised, but it all comes back. Other minor issues occur as well, just call when things come up and they will assure you as to its being a issue or not.
We have all been where you are now, although at stage 3 T-2 we did not have chemo or radiation, and still have not. I believe its the surgeons call, and his feeling on the need from what he has seen. Home nurses are worth their weight in gold, they come for 6 weeks twice a week here, they make things alot easier.( after surgery)
Expect a 6-8 day stay in the hospital, what deversion is he getting, it escapes me right now. I am sure you stated it...rest and walking the first 4 weeks, and eating good food, also your bowels are compromised, they work but sometimes its a struggle, ask for help in that area, for us it was milk of magnesia, always ask the doctor. I will be thinking of you and your family,, Ginger