Lisa,
I feel for what you are going thru right now. And I can really relate.
When I was dx'd and even thru treatment (especially the chemo) my friends changed. Some bolted and have not spoke to me since. One who bolted later came back and confessed his fear I was dying kept him away. Others stepped up and fortified me most compassionately. People who were acquaintences became like family. This happens to most of us. Know that it is evidence of thier problem coping - not yours. Surround yourself with positive folks - keep the negative outside even if you need to enlist the help of others to do it. But it is them not you.
Just yesterday I experienced a blow at my confidence but it came not from friends - it was my trusted oncologist. You can see by my past posts what happened. Yes, I cried, got scared, and felt like it was over. It got me way down. Great thing about my God - he let me wake up today - full of pee and vinegar - ready to fight. My warrior is preparing a plan and an arsenal and I am getting ready. This is not an easy fight as you know. My prognosis was not good either according to "clinical" information. So what. Somebody had to step out of the box of known treatment to help us get this far, and I am one of the next somebodys
In closing, give yourself a break. You are strong, you are doing what you have to, you are fighting. Know that sometimes our friends will fail us thru ignorance, fear and insensitivity. But it is their problem.
God Bless, (((Lisa)))), Holly