Hello Genie,
I too just found this forum and am excited! I am a stage 4 childhood cancer survivor and have experienced all kinds of things since I was diagnosed at age 3. I am now 44 years old.
Cynthia is correct: You want to ensure whichever surgical oncologist is performing the surgery has a lot of experience. I was born and raised in Las Vegas but have had every one of my 18 surgeries in California. I had a urostomy bag from the age of 3-19. They converted me to an Indiana Pouch because the urostomy was allowing "reflux" and my kidneys started to become affected.
My 72-year-old uncle had bladder cancer and they saved his. Unfortunately, he now has a leaky bladder and has to wear Depends daily. Not to mention, he's up/down every 2 hours at night with the feeling of having to pee. This has left him exhausted and has limited his activities.
One thing about having a neobladder where you catheterize, your intestines/colon have to be viable AND your husband will need to cath himself every time he urinates. This requires extreme hygiene. I have found if I don't wash my hands before/after I cath myself, I am highly prone to urinary infections. Since I went to my original urologist-oncologist to convert my urostomy bag into an Indiana Pouch, I had many complications and numerous surgeries to fix it. He just didn't have enough experience to do it!
I have a very active life, work full-time, and love to travel. The sex thing is another vital thing to consider since your husband is only 58. I know we as women can take it or leave it as we get older but men are highly sensitive about the subject and lack of performance. Sorry to go there, but my hubby is dealing with ED right now himself and it's been a BIG issue with him (he's older than me). If your husband did have a neo-bladder they might be able to secure that part of his manhood.
After having both a urostomy and Indiana Pouch, I have to say I freaking love my Indiana Pouch! I too have disposable catheters I carry to get rid of in public restrooms and work. The Indiana Pouch is way less cumbersome to me than wearing the urostomy bag. I had so many issues growing up with that thing but I know the appliances have come a long way.
I always read my doctors' credentials and where they did their residency. The surgeon who fixed my Indiana Pouch after its issues, Dr. Thomas Ahlering, studied under Dr. Skinner (who was involved in creating the Indiana Pouch). I can't rave enough about Dr. Thomas Ahlering (UCI Medical Center, Irvine, CA). I know it's not in your home state but that man has saved countless lives and performed thousands of surgeries on both men and women. It might be worth just visiting him for a second opinion. He uses the DaVinci robot for prostate cancer at a successful rate and is a urologist-oncologist. He's amazing!
Best wishes to you and your husband. I know it is stressful. The worst part is about the 9 days post-op but after that.....all good.
Happy to help!