This is coming from my heart.
Your husband thinks it is there because it has been so many times and that is the mental mode he is in.
I have been there.
Not with BC, but, with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. I can explain this way.
In 98, at age 43, I was told I had it. I actually have 2 different kinds. I am here for a friend with BC.
I had chemo and surgeries, and what not. Then, it came back again the next year.
In 98, it was found in my right ear, making that ear deaf, my neck, under both arms,
my heart, and the nodes outside my heart, my spleen, and, my left thigh.
That was 98.
Year later it was all back.
The next year, it was back. Essentially, in all place, but, new added place. This time went from a stage 2 to a stage 4. I had nodules in both lungs.
And, it switched legs, lol, this time in my left. And, down the front of both arms. I had multiple surgeries and always as usual more chemo. I couldn't do rads for it was everywhere.
It came back six times. The last time, all the same places but, was basically, last year found in my eyes.
That was very disturbing. Always on either the ankle or thigh. I was always a stage 4 from there on in.
I was in remission for 11 years before it came back last year.
But, after the third time, my husband would watch me feeling for lumps and bumps on my arms, or legs, my whole body, and he said, " honey, you can't do that. You will drive yourself nuts... quit feeling for it every morning."
And, I did.
I always had differing opinions, and I always got a second or third opinion out of the network, i was basically in. Leaving fresh eyes to look at PET/CTS and tests. Then, I would ask my first one, whom I am still with today, what he thought after all the opinions laid in front of him. So, I chose to go with him as always.
Decisions are not easy. But, once like your husband and I have walked that long walk, we have that thought in our heads, " it is still there" and it takes a long time to move forward from that. I thank God, I had the husband I had, ( he died in 2005 service related he was only 49) for he helped me realize, I couldn't live fully thinking that or feeling for those lumps and bumps.
Decisions are tough to make. I feel for you both with all my heart. I truly feel your pain. I had stents in my kidneys for stones, and so many surgeries, my days of posing for Play boy are truly over, lol. Maybe, more like the Road Map of America. lol.
I know I am my oncologists Poster Child. And, he already told I am beating the odds. And,i truly believe it is because I have missions in life.
One, I lost everyone mom and dad, 6 uncles, and 2 aunts, 2 cousins all from cancer. Yet, and, thankfully, since, I got 2 wonderful grown sons, that my genetic testing came back perfect. The geneticist had a great sense of humor telling me, " if you didn't have cancer and RA, you would be healthy as a horse!" I have no bad genes, or mutated ones either... go figure.
I am glad for this for my sons and my little grandsons.
My other mission? LOL. the rellies I am left with I want to live to be 102 to piss them, off. lol.
I believe you have to think positive. My husband taught me that. And, even though, I was always the one whom was right, he was on this one...
Keep your chin up. God Bless.