Hi Elsie,
Where are you going for treatments? I can imagine how devastated you must feel, and I offer my sympathy.
It's good you are following through and getting another opinion, I hope it's a good place because the possibility of long term survival for those who have spread confined to regional lymph nodes only is actually quite good. It is still considered stage IV but doesn't have the same dire statistics as when the spread is distant. That being said, I know people who are surviving with distant spread as well, who continue to have quality in their lives for a number of years.
Also, micro-mets are a lot better than macro-mets.
I know of women who have had this happen and who have also continued with more chemo and are effectively cured.
I agree that pre-op chemo should have done the job and this is less encouraging. But it could be that they used the wrong drugs for you, and there are different chemo combinations out there. Unfortunately most places do not to chemo sensitivity testing before hand as this is not an accepted modality yet, not considered accurate enough. Also, fresh tumor tissue is needed for testing and that is not possible for you anyway.
It seems awfully unfair, abritrary even, how chemos are applied in a 'one size fits all' kind of manner, but there isn't much we can do about this...yet.
Where are you going for a second opinion? In your circumstances it would be worth it to go to one of the top places such as MDAnderson, Johns Hopkins, USC/Norris, Mayo Clinic or some other cutting edge institution as close to home as possible.
All the best...and don't start planning the funeral yet, please!
Wendy