Trying to remain strong

Sam,
Thank you for sharing your story, I know it is difficult to do so. After my father died I repeated the story over and and over again to anyone who would listen. I kept disecting the whole scenario as if I had missed something I should have done, thinking it would have changed things. Its all about grieving, and its all so normal when one is in your situation.
Your moms story is quite complex. I am shocked when reading some stories and your moms is one of those. Its a confusing scenario as if you are T-1 and superficial bladder cancer you are not a candidate for bladder removal just treatment. I am wondering if her cancer was elsewhere first, then went to the bladder. Therefore all the other sites, liver, lungs etc. She tried everything to get rid of it so in her mind she was doing what she could to remain her for her family.
I know one thing, you are a wonderful family, I cannot judge what was done for your mom with her treatment as she was a special case, and complex. I would have questions as well. Can you tell us what kind of facility she was at, a major cancer center??? I am not familar with the one you mentioned. Please continue to write as we can answer your immediate questions...bless you and your family.
Sam, we had a similar situation with a beautiful lady named Claire, she passed this summer,, she had small children, her story is much the same as your moms, I will get you her dates so you can read it, I think it would help you, she also went on a vacation, on a big sail boat with her family, two months later she was gone..another b/c patient we will miss.
Sam, I am sure many who are reading this are shocked as well, are you open for comments on what could have been done differently in your moms treatment?? Ginger

thank you everyone im so sorry renee for your loss.i wish i could hug you all, this time is really difficult and im so happy to have met ppl like you .you r all wonderful....

thank u everyone for all of your responses.my mother started having a rusty color urine in feb 2007.they thought it was a uti,so antibotic and it went away.came back though,so in april she had more test done and they sent her to roswell parks.on may 4 her bday she got the dx.end of may she had her first turb,got those results t1 high grade not sure if it went through the bladder,did lots of test ct scan,pet scan......everything came back ok but was growing back rapidly so had another turb at the end of june.....another pet scan cause the first one they werent sure about...lymph nodes looked swollen so they removed some on july 18 ...looked good.t1 n0 m0.so her choice was to have bcg or rc...she wanted it out no second guessing she wanted the rc.so we all took a family vacation all 8 grand kids my sisters there husbands and mine as well.that was in august.than sept 9 had her rc.everything was going so good a little pain but she was so strong.they also removed more lymph nodes 1 came back with cancer..they wanted to do chemo.that is when it all went down hill.she started having so much pain in oct all in her back and right leg...kept going to the hospital but they kept saying it was probaly just part of the healing process,but by nov,it was so bad(lots of vomiting too) she went back and had more test done.it was everywhere,liver, uteruh and a spot on her lungs.one of her kidneys werent doing good so she had a stent put in.she started feeling better.a week later lots of pain again,went back and she was put on methadone,oxcodine,antidepressent and something to help the vomiting.she was feeling good and was happy she finally could sleep,she couldnt for a while.we had a wonderful thanksgiving.a week later pain again ,and bowel problems,so nov 29 went back they started setting up chemo for her but she never got strong enough to do it.she had a heart attack on dec 1.found tumor in her colon,other kidney was shutting down.she was put on machines to keep her breathing and other stuff to try and get her heart stable.the doc said if she woke up she wouldnt stay alive long and alot more pain(her stomach was very swollen)we let her go on dec 2 at 338 in the morning.she did wake up for a second and told us it was ok and she loved us...i still have guestions but i just dont know how it spread so fast....she was never alone at doc visits or surgeries always stayed with her.her dad had bladder cancer and her brother 40 is also dealing with it.how does this happen to such a great person who put everyone in front of her own needs....thanks everyone for listening

Hi Sam,
I am so sorry to hear your Mom passed away. Indeed it is a dreadful disease and I can understand the grief you are going through. I lost my husband to bladder cancer just over a year ago. I too like you to tell the story of your mother, but for a different reason. It is good to tell the story over and over again when you are grieving. It may be hard for you to tell the story of her illness with all the medical details and events, because you don't remember. This is what happens when you grief...I am still confused about all the events that took place during my husband's illness.
We have a site, as Rosemary said before, on grieving and loss, where we try to support each other that have lost loved ones.
Be gentle with yourself in this difficult time.
Renee

With Sympathy, Sam -- I, too, hope you are willing to tell us your mom's story, though I know it will be difficult. My diagnosis was last February, I first learned of a metastasis in August and of more of them in November. I was supposed to have an RC in December but it was cancelled due to mets. Since then, I've had chemo that
didn't result in tumor shrinkage. I've been trying hard to tell my story in the hope of helping others. I think you mom's story will help others, too. I'm older than your Mom -- I'm 60. My first grandchild is due in August and oh how I'd like to live to see that grandbaby! I'm so sorry that your beloved mom passed away due to bladder cancer so young. The love that comes through in your posting is moving. With a tear in my eye -- Susan (mssmr)

Sam,

There is also a grief section if you ever feel that you would like to talk your feelings out there.

I am so sorry about your Mother. I can tell by the way that you talk that she was a wonderful woman.

Please know that we care.

Your new friend,
Rosemary