Rick,
There is no particular 'group' other than folks who have, have had, or is/was a caretaker to someone who had/has bladder cancer.
Given your description of your current issues and your history, it seems more like your current situation is related to those other issues and the (botched) bladder cancer surgery was more of a trigger for that rather than the cause.
As for me, I never had that after my surgery so that is why I personally didn't describe a situation like you described. Emotions are different for everyone and it really sounds like you are in a situation where you need much more than a support web site.
As for others, they would have to speak for themselves. I haven't heard of anything as severe as what you described.
Mike
Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results....distant mets
2/2014 ct result...spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph...