Hi Mark,
Have a look at the info here:
blcwebcafe.org/content/view/123/133/lang,english/
I'm sorry to hear that your father has emotional problems on top of a scary diagnosis. The worst of it is right now, before you know exactly what you're dealing with.
Although Karen is correct that surgery is not usually done if there's spread, if there's minimal spread, or if it will improve quality of life by preventing blockage or other bad symptoms, it is up to the discretion of the doctor whether cystectomy is the best option. That, along with the patient's choice. Sometimes a patient isn't give a choice, or insurance will say 'no', but still know your options.
These days pre-op chemo is all the buzz from experts who are focused on prolonging survival. If a person responds fully to chemo and has a bladder with no more cancer in it post-op, that can mean very good disease free survival increases.
Let's hope there is no spread to the bone or other organs. If it's only in the regional nodes, this is actually a curable stage. Pain in the groin and leg can be something else, maybe a nerve...? Wish I could say.
Keep in touch, let us know the results and the stage when you learn it. I send my best to your father.
One more thing...as a person with phobias, I couldn't have made it through my own cancer journey without the aid of valiums before every test and injection...just a thought.
Take care,
Wendy