Steve,
I learned on 12/29/03 I had bladder cancer and on 1/15/04 I learned it was a deep muscle invasive fast growing cancer and I had my surgery on 2/17/04. It had not advanced any further in the bladder, and there were no cancer cells in any other organ they tested including the enlarged lymph nodes they removed at the time (that the oncologist was sure were involved with my cancer). It is now 2 1/2 years since my surgery and I am still cancer free.
I told you all of that so these doctors don't scare you into moving too fast, that is, so fast that it causes you to have doubts about the way this whole thing is progressing. You need to feel comfortable with your doctors, including your surgeon and or your oncologist. There are several options for you to look at and it takes time for a patient to be able to understand their disease and the options available for them to proceed with regard to their treatment.
It is not wrong of you to ask for a second opinion (or even a third or fourth if necessary), and a second opinion should come from a doctor who is not associated in any way with the doctors who are giving you their opinions right now concerning having surgery right away, and the same goes for an oncologist. Ask questions until you feel comfortable with the answers, but now I'm going to write that that should be within reason. You can't take months to decide this, but weeks is probably not going to change your diagnosis and/or prognosis.
Hopefully if you read more on this site you will find similar information to what I've written, and there will probably be others to post here as well giving information of the same general nature.
Take some deep breaths to help relieve your stress level and then sit back and read some more, and tomorrow check into getting a second opinion (but remember the specifics about getting an unbiased opinion). Good luck, and let us know how things go the next few days and beyond.
Lou Graham