I have to recant. I watched Joel Olsteen Sunday morning and he said that we should all have a file in our mind titled "I don't understand it and it's ok". This statement got me, because I have held onto all this mess and it has eaten me alive. But, when I considered that I don't have to know what God is doing and it's none of my business, I was able to see the blessings He has poured out into my life. The church. Friends galore. Opportunity. Healing. Of course, it hasn't all come in the way or shape I expected, but I'm grateful nonetheless. He loves us, we just have to be humble and accept His love for what it is; better than what we would provide for ourselves. As stupid as it sounds, this isn't the first time I learned this lesson. Several times in my life I've made a mess of things, and He has cleaned it up and blessed me when I finally laid down all the cards and gave up. I am giving up again and putting it in His hands. He can take care of this and nothing I can do can make it better, and I'm ok with that. And I don't have to try to make sense of it.
some examples of how I'm blessed.
I'm surrounded by friends.
I hired someone to come in and clean my house 2x a month.
Just about every Sunday, since July, my pastor will preach about cancer
(He loves us)
My husband and I haven't argued in months
(we've argued since high school)
You know that's God working....