Hi Peter,
Sorry about the scary dx, but it sounds like you're on the right path, and it's great to have a supportive wife there too. About stress and crappy appetite, these two things continue to haunt me as well, though my treatments for breast cancer ended 2 yrs ago (after 5 yrs of anti=hormone drugs). I realize this is a different situation than yours is, but stress is stress. I have valiums in my nighttable, sometimes they sit there unopened for months, sometimes I need one to sleep, sometimes I need one to take the edge off and I always need them before going to the doctor for anything- I have severe doctor and needle phobia! Anyway, my point is that it's possible to have something like an anti-anxiety med on hand, and doesn't mean you're weak, a wimp or will get addicted.
As for poor appetite, I agree with Joe and Pat who said eat a quarter pounder or shake if that is what will go down. This isn't the time to worry about whether it's organic etc...just eat what appeals to you. If it weren't for dark chocolate I would have faded away by now.
It's probably stress that's causing this. And it is totally normal to be stressed when pondering cystectomy. T2, NO, MO is a good diagnosis, all things being relative. You can have every expectation of a total cure with good surgery. Life will change...but I never cease to be amazed at the resilience of the human spirit and how people adapt and survive.
Take care,
Wendy