So sorry to hear. I have not had to have bladder removal, but know lots who have. 41 seems young to have only an IC recommended! It is, however, the simplest surgery. There may be a medical reason that this is recommended, or it may be the only one that the surgeon is really comfortable with.
Whichever diversion YOU choose should be done by a surgeon who does MANY
MANY MANY of them and you should ask your surgeon this question. There is also a third choice that many find a good solution, the Indiana pouch.
NOW is the time to find a really good place for this surgery to be done, and a surgeon who is willing to work with you on whatever diversion YOU choose. Yes, I understand that a neo can be a bit of a pain to "train" but many people are successful with it and those who aren't are able to adapt.
This is an important decision, so take your time and do your research,
Wishing you all the best
Sara Anne