Bella
I know how you feel about sharing feelings with family. I am not a touchy feely kind of person but this is very different.
You need a shoulder to hang on to. It is time to have a "sit down" with your husband and share your feelings. Ask him how he made it through his cancer. Get him to share his story about what went through his mind during that period.
Also remember that it is very OK to "have a breakdown" It can be very theraputic for you. Sometimes you just need to "Let It OUT!" and then you gain a new perspective on the whole situation.
Being German and being tough is a facade(I can say this,I am German too)
Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. You may find the same thing I found out when I was going through this....... My relationship with my wife became so much more fulfilling when we talked our way through the cancer. At first it was a little tenative, but then we realized we needed to be a team to beat cancer. And the only way to be a good team was to communicate our feelings. It worked!
The Radical Cystectomy is a big operation and it will require a rather long recovery period. It is going to change things for you. I remember a moderate amount of pain, but not too much. You will get bored in the hospital, and you won't get too much to eat, if anything.
You will need to start walking the day after surgery. Chew gum(but DON'T swallow it) and I suggest a pair of earplugs.(Hospitals are the Noisiest places on earth)
When you get home, you will need your TEAM to help you. I don't know about Australia, but there has to be a medical source that can help you out as you get accustomed to the stoma.
And last..... I now give you permission to be a little selfish. This is happening to you and you have the right to be selfish. Not too much, but you Can demand a little comfort. A little alone time to collect yourself. And... It is OK to get emotional. This is really a Good thing for you. Theraputic even.
The Best of Luck to you
George Kline(Little)