What is robot RCp surgery like?

10 years 5 months ago #45403 by Katuha
What is robot RCp surgery like? was created by Katuha
Others have asked so I thought I’d give you the experience from my perspective in case anyone is interested.

It's like STARWARS and 2001 - A SPACE ODYSSEY combined. "Open the pod pee bay doors, Hal." When I walked into the robot room there were really friendly aliens in funny little hats and green masks wearing long white coats waiting for me. "Just step on the table and we'll take care of everything," one of them said. They were surrounded by a thing (robot) that reminded me of that space monster that tried to take Sigorney Weaver apart in the movie Alien only without the scary teeth. As I moved my rear end to the table, I asked these aliens if they were planning on having fun today and they all nodded at me so I guess there were and assume that they did. No more than (what was to me) two seconds later, I awoke to a new life and there were other strange fuzzy female type people who were all white looking poking at me and bringing me stuff and talking to me in a kind and gentle way. Later, I discovered that they were nurses who I came to really like. They wouldn't show me how to turn off the beep-beep-beeper on the strange looking tower thing with hoses and doo dads hanging from it hooked up to various parts of my body that I had to drag around with me when I walked around the ward but I figured that out on my own. Turns out the battery on that thing wears out before the one dragging it around does and when the battery starts to die, it beeps and wakes everyone up as you walk to fart; especially if you walk around the ward at night (and you should). I walked completely around the ward at least 60 times. Find where the strategically located "usable" bathrooms are before you begin your walks. You can't use other people's bathrooms but there are usable ones usually at each end of the ward. The hardest part of the initial recovery effort from this surgery for me was farting and pooping. I would have given $100 for just one really good fart and I told medical type people I passed just that. No one could help. They just smiled at me and went back to their paperwork. They all do paperwork on the night shift and they're all very quiet and won't talk to you unless you're bleeding or something. Seeking farts don't count. Be sure to take a cup of crushed ice with you. It fits right on top of the hose dragging tower.

I had a shared room so there was another guy next to me for my entire 9-day stay. (They don't put guys and gals together in a room.) He had lots of company every day and they were there often when I had the sudden and overwhelming feeling I was going to explode. I had a portable potty chair right next to my bed so didn’t have to pass through the crowd to fart or poop in the shared bathroom. Getting up from your bed and quickly figuring out which way to turn so all of your hoses are going in the right direction is interesting too. The smell we get from our bowels after that operation is absolutely unique and astoundingly bad. A skunk smells better than we do at that point. Very strange! I often wondered if they had put something dead in me rather than taken anything out. I didn’t want to offend the other guy’s visitors so I held out several times and got terrible pain doing so. Finally, I got fed up with his company stopping my recovery and causing me pain and because I didn’t want to gross them out so (from behind my side of our curtain) I just announced that I was about to sit on my pot. “I’M GOING TO SIT ON MY POT,” I would exclaim. (There was complete silence for a few minutes.) Then, when I finally farted or pooped, I’d say loudly so everyone would be sure to hear me, “THANK YOU LORD FOR THAT FART (OR POOP).” Actually they (farts and poops) are, at this point, pretty much identical in nature. The only difference is in the liquidity. Don’t know if those folks were religious or not but when the fumes immediately hit them, everyone was laughing hysterically and I didn’t have to worry about holding out any more. Don’t hold back, folks. If you gotta fart, fart. If you gotta poop, poop. Visitors can work it out after the fumes reside or they can just go out into the ward hallway (although that’s pretty bad too).

The bladder ward was an interesting place as well. You want to try to time your walks around the peuking with new people yelling at someone whose name sounds like RAAAAAAALPH if you can. Not that bad but something you will have to consider. You’ll see.

I'm not sure what happened to the aliens I met in the operating room but they were smiling when I first met them and I'm still vertical after 9 months so ........? I suspect that they are all probably driving Porches? Every time I see a Porsche I look to see if I can recognize one of the aliens but haven't seen one yet. You know what they say about people (or aliens) who drive Porches don’t you? “There goes a guy with a 2” penis.” That’s what they say; honestly. I guess I’d be a good candidate for a Porsche now. I wonder if my doctor drives a Porsche.

I had absolutely no pain whatsoever (other than lots of bowel-waking-up pain and problems and pain from staple removals later on) from the operation and if it were not for the fact that they also had to do the open-me-up incision in addition to the 5 or so little robot holes I'd say it was quite an entertaining experience; a something-to-tell-the-Grandkids kind of story. It's all in your perspective on life I guess but I can find strange pleasures in things that one shouldn't be able to derive pleasure or find laughs from.

This is robot surgery bladder world from my perspective ... where a ride on the table means a great new life. Doesn’t matter whether you’re meeting the robot or not … you'll be just fine. Doneworryboutit!
HAPPY TRAILS Dr. K.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Cynthia

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