Hi,
Sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but welcome here. Upper tract TCC is not common, I think the stats say something like 5% of diagnoses, but there are a few people active on the forum who have had it or care about someone who does. There are quite a few folks active on the email list who have been through it all, too.
Surgery is the most often road traveled, like your husband's doctor already said. I know a bunch of folks who have been there and are doing fine. The size of your husband's tumor doesn't sound overly large, it may well be contained with the urinary tract, and that is the most important thing at this time.
Your husband is probably right, that it won't help much to scour the internet, and it's a sign of your love that you're the one out here doing it, I know how terrifying it all is in the beginning of such a journey. I've been both caregiver and patient, straddled the fence so to speak, and I think cancer is harder for the caregiver than going through it yourself. You sound very strong, but I know the stress of this all takes a huge toll so please be careful and take care of yourself as well.
Maybe there is something to be said about waiting for a written diagnosis before looking for info...but there's also something to be said for having some knowledge about all the possible options as well.
We have a section for those with upper tract TCC, to help make it easier to connect, so once you have a firm dx, maybe it would be a good idea to post in that section.
Please keep in touch, and I wish you nothing but the best with this all>
Wendy