I am so sorry to read your post. This is so difficult and your husband is fortunate to have you by his side.
If you are seeking a second opinion on treatment options, you need to get it at a center that treats LOTS of bladder cancer patients...such as MD Anderson, Memorial Sloan Kettering, or Johns Hopkins. If there is anything available, these places would be the ones to know about it.
Metastatic bladder cancer is not, as you are aware, good news. It is only natural that you are having a difficult time dealing with this, and it is not a weakness!! You are only human and it is perfectly normal to feel the way that you do.
Should you, and the doctors, feel that your husband is approaching the end of the road, please consider asking for Hospice care as soon as possible. They are wonderful to have by your side and can be a great help and comfort to you as well as to your husband.
My heart goes out to you.
Sara Anne