Dear Amanda, so sorry to hear about your husband. I know what you are feeling like, since we have been in that situation since Dec 13th. T3 invasive/aggressive bladder cancer. It is very frightening when you get the news, yet there is a high survival rate after surgery and people seem to be able to live well after the bladder removal. There are many decisions to be made, so a second opinion from a doctor that does lots of these surgeries is highly recommended.
My husband (69yrs) is currently undergoing chemo (3 rounds, he is at his last) before having bladder/prostrate removed. Chemo was recommended before surgery by urologist and oncologist, also confirmed by Mayo Clinic in Phoenix.
Neo bladder is not an option for my husband due to his age and being overweight. I talked to some people that had bladder removal, recovery is slow but they live a very productive and fulfilling life. Will keep you in my prayers