Sad News - my dad has lost his battle with BC

9 years 6 months ago #46964 by dhva
It has taken me a while to get the strength and motivation to post on here that my father passed away on August 12 at age 71 after his courageous 2-year fight with bladder cancer. I was at his bedside at hospice, I still am not sure that was a good thing as the images of watching him essentially starve to death were pretty horrifying. You can read my earlier posts to get the broader history, but basically after having his bladder and prostate removed in mid-2012, he only had about six months of relatively normal, cancer free living until he started to have serious bowel problems. It took them a while to figure it out, but the cancer had metastasized in his colon, rectum and bowel area.

They tried a couple of different types of chemo over the poast 6 months, but his body could not tolerate it and he ended up in the hospital several times due to hydration, low white blood count, etc. During this process, he also ended up needing a colostomy bag as the tumor caused a blockage to the point where he was rushed to the hospital in extreme pain. In early June they started a last ditch effort of combined slow realease chemo coupled with radation treatment. BY the end of June they told us that the treatment was shrinking the tumor, but his body started to show signs of weakening again. By June 30, he was back in the ER with extreme abdominal pain and vomitting. From that point he was never the same. The doctors kept suggesting the latest inflamation could clear up, that it could have been bacterial or a side effect of chemo/radiation. Nontheless, over the course of his last 2 weeks, they inserted an NG tube to help remove the fluid which was just horrible. They also surgically inserted a feeding tube (j tube). They had also relied for a few days on TPN for nutrution. I am still trying to figure out if any of those things did any good, as it seemed near the end the doctors were doing more harm than good. I am not trying to blame the doctors for my father's sickness or eventual death, but I just feel like they held out false hope and continueed to adminster damaging treatment and all those other procedures (j tube, TPN, etc) and really caused my dad to be more uncomfortable. His body was even rejecting the feeding tube, so we were finally able to convince them to allow him to be transferred to hospice - which had asked for almost 2 week earlier. I think he knew his body was done, and he was ready for the end.

Hospice was great, and they made him feel very special and comfortable his first couple of days there. They were able to use the feeding tube for about 3 days, then his body rejected it again and they decided it needed to be turned off. At that point you could see him weakening almost by the hour, and his eyes were very sad as he knew this was the end. They continued heavy doses of morphine and he gradually entered a comatose state. He would squeeze a hand or even shed a tear once in a while if one of my brothers, my mom or I got upset while sitting with him. He passed peacefully with the room quiet and lights dimmed around 11:50pm after 6 days in the hospice house. I had never been through anything like that in my entire life - the actual watching of a loved one take their last breath. I assume one day I will be thankful to have been there for that moment, but right now as I reflect, it was too numbing of an experience to make sense of it.

Sorry for this reambling message, not sure too much I have written here will help anyone dealing with BC at this point. But, it felt good to write it down and even if nobody reads it, the forum has provided an element of therapy for me as a grieving son. Once I get my thoughts and feelings in check, I do plan to provide insight and guidance to others who post on here now that my journey as a loving caregiver for a family member suffering from BC has ended. Keep up the good fight for anyone dealing with this, I leave you with the words I read at my dad's service:

"I could spend countless hours telling touching and funny stories about my dad that I have experienced throughout my life with him. But, in offering a few simple thoughts I would want to tell you that as a child and more recently in my adult life he provided me with treasured moments on which I will now be able to reflect and use as inspiration for the remainder of my life. As I am saddened beyond belief from his passing caused by this dreadful disease, I am equally delighted by the sincere and overwhelming stories that have been relayed to me from people in his life where my dad has made a tremendous impact on their lives. It is amazingly comforting to know that dad was not only a dearly loved and cherished husband, father and grandfather, but that he touched so many lives even outside of our family in such a special way. I try to model myself after my dad in so many ways, especially in my own relationships to make me a better husband, father, brother, son, and friend. That is what my father instilled in me, not just through the special relationship I had with him in 45 years, but through my observing his relationships with others around him. I love you dad, I was truly blessed to have you as my father."

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