My Dad is scheduled to have surgery at Baylor All Saints Hospital in Fort Worth. When I called UT Southwestern last week, I was told that I needed Dad's social security number and also insurance policy number before they would even talk to me. Then some kind of patient form had to be completed and forwarded to a patient acceptance board (or something like that) and, at some point, all his records would be needed before they could decide whether to take him as a patient. Sounded time-consuming and complicated to me. Why can you not just call a doctor and get an appointment?? He has opted for an insurance plan called Secure Horizons instead of Medicare and I think it is an HMO.
I live in Dallas, not too far from my parents who live in Ft. Worth. I have a younger brother who would also like for Dad to find another surgeon, which is especially difficult for my brother since it was his idea that Dad go to our current urologist for a second opinion. We are both at a loss at how to approach Dad and tell him that WE would be more comfortable if he were to seek treatment elsewhere. Are we being selfish? I don't want to anger my father and have him think I am butting into his business. He is certainly capable of making his own decisions, but I don't think he knows all his options. All he knows for sure is that he has a date set when this awful disease will be removed from his body. Who is to say that if we could get seen at UTSW that it would even happen before his current surgery date? One thing I can't ask him to do is delay treatment any longer.
IF I could get him in at UTSW quickly, perhaps I could approach him by saying that he's not doing anything anyway, so let's go see these guys in Dallas. He wouldn't cancel his surgery date so if things didn't work at in Dallas he would still have his surgery date that took so darn long to get. To me, that would be win/win.
My mother just turned 77 and is still very active. However, her attitude is that Dad made his choice and that's that. I have taken it upon myself to contact a stoma nurse to find out if Dad should see her before the operation, even though the surgeon didn't recommend it. My brother told me today that Dad said yesterday that he wished he had never told the current urologist that he would let him do the surgery. I'm not sure if that means he wants to get care elsewhere or no care at all.
When he had decided to seek care at MD Anderson and was waiting for the referral to go through, Dad seemed content and happy about the decision. Sure, there were some things that would have to be worked out since care would take place in another city, but we were getting all those "housekeeping" details worked out. Then the local urologist called and the local surgery was back on all of a sudden. Now Dad apparently regrets that decision. I want to impress upon him somehow that IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO CHANGE HIS MIND. But I have to have concrete options, not what-ifs.
Thanks to all for your support and concern. It helps to have the wisdom and experience of those who have gone before.