Alan, sorry to read of the spread but life does go on and you will do just fine. The penis leaking was something that caused Jim a lot of angst at first. No one had mentioned that to him and as a result we were unprepared when he got home. He thought that this was going to last for forever. It did not, it took almost 6 weeks give or take to heal over the urethra area. Now, no problem. Since Jim is a large man he found the depends that have tabs on the sides fit best. So, that is a suggestion.
As far as the leaking from appliance goes, try using some Eakins seals on it. That was the trick that did it for jim. At first it was blood, sweat and tears almost to change the appliance and took forever. With practice it takes hardly any time at all. Always be sure to clean the area very well Jim has had one outbreak of a edge of the flange skin break and when that happened we did "caking" which your ostomy nurse should be able to help you with. It's easy to do and really does the trick. It is taking the powder and dabbing it with the skin prep, adding more powder and then dabbing again with skin prep to "cake" the powder on the skin. It really worked well for jim and his skin break healed within 4 days. It does take some time to find just the right flange etc that works for you. Be patient. Jim has found the softer, nutra convetec 5x5 works best for him for flange. It covers more skin area and really sticks well. Hope this is helpful and so glad to hear from you!