Flo,
I was 47 when I was diagnosed, and I I was a mess. Scared, not knowing what way to go, knowing nothing about this thing that had invaded my life that was in 2004. Don't start doing research until you know what you are looking for and you will not until you get a full diagnosis. I will give you some links I think you will be interested in if you do end up having a Radical Cystectomy. I have an Indiana Pouch and my stoma is in my naval and you would not know it unless I showed you. I do not know if that is an option for you the type of diversion that is possible is dictated by the placement of the tumors and what margins they need to get. But if it helps there was an informal survey done of people with urinary diversions and when asked what type they would recommend to someone almost all said the type they had. There are pros and cons to all but we seem to adapt to what we are handed and most of us go on an lead pretty good lives. I ask my husband to get certified in scuba diving this winter with me so my Radical Cystectomy hasn't slowed me down much.
We are not going to tell you any of this is easy but we can tell we have been there and made it to the other side. You are doing the right thing you are going to one of the best and by being your own advocate you will help stack the cards in your favor and that is the most important thing at this point. Be kind to yourself if you can afford it a facial or massage is nice but if not a warm bath and a candle couldn't hurt. Be gentle with yourself and others if you can right now you don't need to be handling more than you have to and emotions can run high right now. Of if Aunt Buffy makes you nuts on a good day it might be a good time to be busy if she calls. If you are having trouble handling it do not be to proud to ask your Doctor for something for anxiety, if you will ever have a good reason this should qualify.
We will be here for you every step of the way if you need us.
Here are some links you might find interesting but don't just sit at the computer reading for long periods it can make you crazy after a while, don't try to absorb every thing in a day.
Information on the most commonly used urinary diversions
bladdercancersupport.org/index.php?option=com_weblinks&view=category&id=53:urinary-reconstruction-and-diversion
Emotional Effects of Cancer
bladdercancersupport.org/index.php?option=com_weblinks&view=category&id=54:physiological-aspects-of-cancer
Financial
bladdercancersupport.org/index.php?option=com_weblinks&view=category&id=31:financial-
Radical Cystectomy and sexuality this is a good post and a link to more information.
bladdercancersupport.org/index.php?option=com_kunena&Itemid=114&func=view&catid=10&id=19763
Our resource page various subjects
bladdercancersupport.org/index.php?option=com_weblinks&view=categories&Itemid=103