Walter,
Great to "meet" you although I know we all wish it were under other circumstances (OK, not with flashing lights behind us either!).
Over the past 3 1/2 years, I have been on both sides of the whole cancer thing. First, bladder cancer for me, and the following year, lung cancer for my husband. There are numerous people on this site with similar experience, so hopefully we can help y'all both get through this. For me, it was a whole lot harder being the caregiver than being the patient. But, my cancer gave me some unique understanding of the treatment process and a much better ability to advocate for my husband's care.
Right now, me and my husband are helping out a neighbor who is going through breast cancer. What we have found is that her husband is having a really hard time grasping the exhaustion from chemo she is experiencing. My husband didn't understand it when I was going through it either and was always pushing me to get up and go do stuff, while all I wanted was sleep. He learned all about it when he went through it and was VERY sorry for waking me up. Not implying that you are doing any of this, but it's something I have seen with other patients also. So, if it applies, toss out the idea of "get up and moving to get it off your mind" and give her as much rest and relaxation as possible. I learned how to do a lot of new things when Scott was asleep (plumbing, carpentry, etc. - Shhh... I don't want him to know... then he'll make me start doing that stuff!).
On a side note, my husband is a former LEO, too. And fire fighter, and paramedic. I wonder at times if his lung cancer was at all related to all those years in the 70's & 80's fighting fires without airpacks but I guess we'll never know.
Hang in there... we're here for you.
Christine