Dear Josephine,
Even though I haven't had a recurrence, I have had complciations that always make it possible that my bladder will interrupt my plans. I worried with my kids' weddings that something would go wrong, but I threw myself into it, baking the cookies and my son's wedding cake, and I made the trips, and I did OK between urologist visits. BTW, I'm 9¼ years cancer-free, so how's that for a little hope. It does happen.
What you need to remember is that you're new enough at this that you're still reeling form the initial shock, so it's that much harder to deal with recurrences. You will always be anxious about cystos... I still am, but I did find out today at the surgery (once again) on my stricture, that I'm cancer-free. And you will always hate the cystos. They're uncomfortable, they cause bladder symptoms for me, and I never know if I'll need a dilation of my stricture (painful
) or surgery.
The thing is, without your realizing it your life will move on, and one day you will be a seasoned bladder cancer veteran. I'm not saying you won't feel the same way you do, but it won't consume you, and your life WILL go on.